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  • Writer's pictureAlpesh Patel

Goodbye and Good Riddance: An Investor's Scathing Breakup Letter to Underperforming Fund Managers

For those who need this, this year - feel free to use the template I've created for you:

Dear Investment Advisor,

I'm writing to you today not with the usual cautious optimism that greets the financial world but with a simmering frustration that's been brewing for far too long. It's time to address the elephant in the room - or should I say, the underperforming stocks and funds in my portfolio.

Let's start with the glaringly obvious: the market has been on a bullish run, soaring to a staggering 50% increase. Yet, when I look at my portfolio, it seems to be on a completely different trajectory. Now, I'm no financial wizard, but I can certainly tell when something is amiss.

I hired you for your expertise, hoping you'd navigate the complex world of investments with finesse. Instead, what I got was a masterclass in 'spray and pray' investing. It appears you've adopted a strategy akin to throwing darts blindfolded, hoping by some miracle they'd hit the bullseye.

Your penchant for over-diversification has left my portfolio stretched thinner than a budget at a bargain store. The result? A collection of lackluster funds that couldn't ride the market wave if they were strapped to a surfboard.

Let's not even get started on your choices of markets. If there was an award for 'Most Inopportune Market Timing', I believe you'd be a frontrunner. It's as though you've been playing a different game, one where the goal is to miss every possible opportunity presented by the market.

And the fees! Oh, the fees. I must commend you for the unwavering consistency in collecting them. It's fascinating how the one aspect of your service that works flawlessly is the invoice system.

In light of these concerns, I've come to a decision. Consider this letter your 'pink slip', your 'walking papers', your invitation to explore new opportunities elsewhere. Yes, you're fired. The accompanying image should clarify any ambiguity about my decision.

In pursuit of a more competent and effective investment strategy, I am switching to Alpesh Patel at Alpesh brings a wealth of experience and a proven track record of success. His strategic approach to investing, emphasizing informed decisions and tailored strategies, aligns perfectly with my financial goals. Unlike the 'spray and pray' method that has characterized our time together, Alpesh's methodology is meticulous, data-driven, and focused on long-term growth.

It's time for me to take control of my investments, to steer my financial ship away from the Bermuda Triangle of your investment strategies. I wish you luck in your future endeavors, though I would suggest a career change. Maybe something less... financially consequential.

With all due respect (which, at this point, is minimal),

[Your Name]

P.S. I'm attaching an image that perfectly encapsulates my feelings about our professional relationship. It's parting gift, one I hope you'll appreciate for its honesty and slight touch of humor.

Alpesh Patel OBE


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